A-hole

I think I might qualify as an asshole.  I tend to talk bad about people when they are standing right behind me, shout the f word at petting zoos, and ask fat ladies if it's a boy or a girl.  I mean seriously, I'm not the most...tolerant person in the world.  But ya know what?  Some people don't deserve to be tolerated.  Because they are assholes too.

Girl that just made up a word to beat me at online scrabble- asshole.  Wasted dude breaking beer bottles on the cars outside my apartment building- asshole.  Bouncer that took my fake ID in college- asshole.  Kid that almost scratched my sister's eye out in the 2nd grade- asshole. 
Other bouncer that took my fake ID in college- bigger asshole.  Guy who drove on the shoulder to avoid I-70 ski traffic- asshole with a moving violation.  Hitler- big asshole.  People who say "bomb dot com"- assholes. Security guard in my building who looks like Smithers from the Simpsons- asshole.  People who take the elevator to the 2nd floor- assholes who are probably fat.  Hermaphrodite who stole my purse TWICE from the locker room in 9th grade- asshole.  People who scream "DAD?!" at the guy walking into the strip club- funny assholes.  Bum who stole by bike tires- asshole.  Bum who stole my car tires- ghetto asshole.  People who think they are smarter than you, even though they graduated from the University of Phoenix- assholes.  Nick Cage- asshole. Communist 21 year old kid in my Korbel class who thinks the business students are going to hell- ignorant asshole.

See?  I deserve to be an asshole- everyone else seems to be doing it.

Feel free to add to the list...